i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How external is "for external use only"?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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