I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
