I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
