that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
