i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
