Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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