Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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