We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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