She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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