Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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