Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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