I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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