Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
