So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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