I got her a Nickelback box set.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
