I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Too much gin, very little bucket
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
