God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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