I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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