Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
