I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
