My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
