I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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