I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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