I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
