did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
