My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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