When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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