what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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