I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
