i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
