Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
