also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
