There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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