Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
