This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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