So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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