My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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