it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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