I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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