Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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