We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
