is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
