we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
