thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
