if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
