Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
