The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
