I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
