I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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