i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
