I am spending my child support on dildos
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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