i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
