i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
