Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
