Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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