if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
this just has baby written all over it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
