Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
