She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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