is your mom at the bar?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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