dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
