I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
