i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
