Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
