well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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