is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
