let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
