I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
