Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
