There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
