Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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