Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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