A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
