Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
