stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm at about main and main street
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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